Girl: I'm having heart surgery today.

Boy: I know.

Girl: I love you!

Boy: I love you more!

*After heart surgery her dad is the only person in the room.*

Girl: Where is he?

Dad: Don't you know who gave you the heart?

Girl: (Starts crying)

Dad: Im just kidding he went to the bathroom.

3rd grade

friend: *whispering* if you're stupid say "what"

me: what

friend: OH MAN

OH

OH DEAR FUCKING CHRIST

I GOT YOU SO GOOD, THAT WAS AWESOME

SWEET, SWEET DICKS IN MY MOUTH. I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED THIS HARD. EVER.

JESUS. JESUS HELP ME.